"We met online". Ever said that to someone about a friend or relation? If so, were you taken seriously about the way you felt? If the other person laughed at you, don't feel bad, you're not alone. Most people around us tend to dismiss online relationships as "not real". Now, I'm in no way an online relationship expert, however, I am a "long distance relationship" experienced person, how? The first years of my now failed first marriage were long distance, my oldest friend and I have been living in different hemispheres for the better part of 30 years,one of my closest friends for the past 5 years is a man that I have never met in person! Same thing with a new developing relationship I have now. One must ask oneself, how can you be close to a person you've never seen? but we've seen each other, and talked for hours on the phone, we've shared many crises and joys together. Together? They live in other countries and continents and I in Mexico!
I've been reading a lot about online relationships, romantic attachments, cyber dating, and the new way of relating to people across the globe. there are lots of things to watch out for and lots of drawbacks about having emotional attachments with persons that you do not see in the regular basis, but there are also some advantages to it. I contact my oldest and dearest friend in a daily basis in Argentina and we both know what's happening in each other's lives with one click of the mouse. On the other hand, sometimes I'm unable to have lunch to catch up with friends that work in the same building with me!
One interesting statistic that I found was that as time progresses, online relationships, or long distance relationships, have a better chance of continuing on that proximal relationships. It could be the annoying little habits that we all have and that we are able to ignore when we don't have the person in front of us; it could also be the fact that an online relationship doesn't interfere with our daily activities that much; or maybe is the fact that whenever we get to chat, message, e-mail or text our online friends/significant others, is because we really want to tell them something, whereas, in proximal relationships, we could feel stuck meeting someone when we really don't feel like it.
In asking people what they thought about online relationships I was told that no matter how strongly you may get to feel towards the person on the other side of the web, we all need human contact and a physical relationship. I do recognize the importance of human touch, yet, I wonder if we forget that as time progresses in a relationship, the physical part of it, either absorbs the whole of the relationship and then communication stops to give way to the will of the body, or it fades away bit by bit. This fading of the physical part is inevitable in the case of long term relationships that go on for several years. Here, two things can happen, the first is the one that we all hope for, the common goals, similar interests, shared life experiences, etc, can make the relationship work for a very long time, in fact, this is the way things were for our grandparents. the other thing that can happen is what we see everyday: boredom takes over, nothing in common, or everything in common and no conversational skills make the relationship fail.
Now, following this, I went online to look for other opinions on cyber relationships and found that the opinions of everyday people were very polarized and of course, the people that supported cyber relationships were in one, had been in one or were looking for one in cyber dating sites; the other opinions were on the opposite side of the coin, claiming that online friends or lovers are not real, people online tend to lie about themselves, a lot of people take advantage of others thanks to the relative anonymity of the web. Experts in relationships tend to be on the fence about this, they recognize the risks involved in dating online and reminding us that we get lied to and taken advantage of in the world world also.
The way I look at the whole of meeting and keeping friends and lovers online is this: The key to any relationship is communication, whether is talking, chatting, e-mailing, touching etc. when communication stops, all goes to hell. love and friendship are formed inside our heads, nowhere else, and a wise person once told me, the mind doesn't distinguish from the emotions created by a word said and one written.
What makes me chuckle is how people get surprised when there are some of us that are able to keep contact and emotional attachment with people on the other side of the globe when this is not new. Back before there was internet, remember that time? people had pen pals, people they wrote to and didn't meet for years, if ever. It also makes me think of the correspondence marriages and mail brides. For a long time, people have been looking for people to connect to, we've just learned one more way, one that has to do with the instant result we expect in our lives, but this acquaintances, friends, lovers are just like the old time pen pals, mail brides and correspondence marriages.
The only piece of advise I can give you is this: be safe. Whether it is online or in person, take care of yourself and pursue happiness any way you can.
